6. Cancer Diaries - The Build Phase

How does someone prepare for their first Chemo? For me, the day before I took my client for lunch and enjoyed roast chicken and frites, and a chocolate fondant pudding and the most marvelous glass of Laurent Perrier Champagne. I'm going to dine out on that champagne memory for a while...I was good though and only had one glass as I felt it was not wise to turn up to Chemo with a raging hangover. 

Wednesday. My new non favourite day of the week. Wednesday will hence forth be know as Chemo day. The day finally arrived to start my cancer treatment, the build phase of this cancer project. Piers and I duly turned up at the Private Hospital Chemo suite to be greeted by the lovely staff. 

There is no joy in the process, only huge waves of anxiety of the prospect of being injected with poison and the staff know this and were well prepared to take us Chemo novices through the day.

We had also prepared ourselves prior to arrival. Upon some advice we brought a load of stuff with us for the day. You'd have thought we were moving in. I had been given a load of Chemo swag (yup, its kind of a thing) by friends and selected some items from the mix, including; a neck cushion, blanket, water bottle, socks, colouring-in book and pencils and lollies. In addition, I brought my Mac with films loaded and a few books. Frankly, I was just missing some sun cream and I would be all ready for a Chemo holiday!

I also brought a hair band, conditioner and a hat to manage the cooling cap as part of the treatment. 

The day started gently, with my height and weight logged so that the Chemo drugs could be calculated to me so I don't under or overdose. Then more paperwork by my dedicated Chemo nurse. You know you live your job a little too closely as you watch them walk through the paperwork and start thinking that the process could be better managed as the same questions came up multiple times as the nurse completed several forms by hand. 

Soon after, our lunch order was taken (roast pork and trimmings - very nice by the way), I then had my cannula fitted to the back of my hand. The first solutions started to drip into my body. First was a saline, then an anti sickness, another saline and then a steroid to promote white blood cell activation. All the saline was making me quite sleepy. 

A pause for lunch and then the cooling cap was fitted. This is an attempt to help preserve the hair on my head by cooling the follicles and trying to stop the Chemo from impacting them so much. We'll see how this goes over time. More about the hair thing in a future blog. 

30 mins post cooling cap in place and I was ready for my Chemo. Surprisingly, the Chemo was administered directly by the nurse injecting me into the cannula and not via the drip. 3 large syringes of liquid, calibrated to me, were gently squeezed into my vein. The first 2 syringes were pinky-red colour, the third was colourless. I could feel the liquid going in but nothing else. All a bit of an anti-climax really. Just sit there and take your poison like a good girl. 

I had to wait 1.5 hours post the Chemo injections for the cooling cap to do its thing. If I hadn't bothered with it then I would have been free to go earlier. In the meantime we sat and watched Oceans 11, something easy to glaze my eyes over. 

Its a strange process, as soon as the Chemo is injected in, you are then told that it's done its job and now it's your job to get it out of your system as quickly as possible. The Chemo goes into your veins but it's going to come out via your wee. For days afterwards I peed pink wee. I also had to flush twice due to the toxins (but don't mind me, this just happens to be inside me). 

The task completed for the day at the hospital we were allowed home. We packed up all our stuff, hardly touching any of it, only the book and Mac were used, so we will know for next time to pack lighter, and headed home. We were both absolutely exhausted from the day and for the first time in donkeys years I had an early night. 

I lay in bed that first night and I honestly think I could feel the toxins moving around my body. I felt like I was fizzing internally. Really strange. 

Before we left the hospital I was given my Cancer book, (which I have stickered). This is to record each of my cycles and to track my progress and how I'm feeling, physically. There is a RAG list of conditions, that, should I experience any, then I should act accordingly, such as a temperature, then call the hospital and get there immediately. With a long list presented to me I was fearing the worst. I fully expected to be chucking my guts up over the subsequent days but so far I have been very lucky. The anti sickness medicine has done its job. 

24 hours after the Chemo injections I needed to have another injection of steroids to help stimulate the white blood vessels. This was to be done ourselves at home. Piers, also known as Dr Piers now, grabbed the device, which bizarrely looks like a peppercorn grinder, and jabbed it into my thigh. Task completed. 

Chemo makes you feel tired, like I have never experienced before, but then, I'm not a parent and have appreciated quality sleep most of my life. It's a permanent layer of exhaustion. I've learnt to embrace lunchtime naps which have really helped and I also go to bed earlier than I used to. Another help to the Chemo exhaustion is, believe it or not, exercise, so we have been taking walks and it seems to be working. 

I lost my appetite straight after the Chemo so for a few days I struggled with getting enough calories inside me. It's a normal reaction and thankfully my appetite has now returned to a decent level. It means that I can be generous to myself and enjoy more naughty things, whatever works right?

The first Chemo session done. I was a healthy person going into this so my body has coped well with being blasted with toxins. These first 4 sessions will be the toughest and my strength will be compromised after each go. I'm doing OK. I now know what to expect for the next time but I'm in two minds about it. I know I will be less anxious about the process but I know that the subsequent ones will become harder on me. But yet I have to do it. It's it or me. Before the Chemo I could feel an ache in my boob and I now know that was the cancer. Since my first treatment the ache has stopped so maybe the toxins running around my body are doing what they are meant to.

1 session completed, 15 to go. Die fucker die.