7. Cancer Diaries - Communication

With all successful projects good communication is the glue so I took this attitude towards my own cancer diagnosis and and subsequent treatment. 

I felt distracted immediately upon the discovery of the lump, and well before I had it confirmed as cancer and so I knew that I had to confess to a small group of people that I interacted with regularly that something was amiss with me. I kept that group a select number of individuals. It started with 2 people at work, my boss and a female colleague who I was working closely on a project with. Both were fantastic and supportive from the start. Together we made sure that business ran as usual and the client wasn't affected, putting into plan any backups to cover project stages or ad-hoc requests should the need arise. 

The next 2 groups that I shared the early information with was the London Admins and the London's Calling teams. Both are connected to the Salesforce Community if you're not familiar with my current lifestyle. Breaking this type of news is never easy but it was with these groups, who are also my friends for many years, that it started to hurt, and at this stage it was only a suspicious lump that I was sharing. Again, I needed them to know. This was me playing true project manager and raising the risk early so that people could be aware and make plans accordingly, if needed. We all chose to consider that it was just a pesky lump and all would be well. 

And then of course it wasn't. Upon the unofficial nod given to me at the hospital that they had found a form of breast cancer I duly updated the aforementioned groups who were sympathetic and equally gutted as me. We have had too much cancer in our Salesforce community and it sucks that I bring more to their door. 

It was only after the official confirmation, and when I had received some tangible data from the initial tests, that I opened up the news to other people. 

This included parents. As soon as we had returned home both myself and Piers got onto calls to update family. His sister knew from the initial diagnosis. We agreed that Piers needed an outlet to talk separately about this shitstorm and he and his sister are very close, and having lost their mother to breast cancer, this was all too real. He also told his dad, which was a tough conversation, considering that he lost his wife to this same disease.

Let me tell you a bit about how I manage my parents. Yup, manage. We have a rule that on Sunday's at 18:00 I call them. I do not call any other day. If I don't call them on Sunday then I won't call that week and I may call the next week instead. Simple. When we talk it's like a standup. What did you do this week, what are you doing next week, any blockers? You know the drill. 

I rang my parents house phone on a Thursday. My dad answered and I asked them to get onto FaceTime. My dad immediately replied saying that this didn't sound good. I told him this was correct and to just get on FaceTime. After 3 attempts we connected the call. I broke the news in a very factual way that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and I was needing treatment of chemo followed by surgery and that I was going to transfer everything over the private health. They were both stunned. My mum started crying and saying sorry - but of course, it wasn't her fault. I started crying. I then told my parents that we were planning to drive to France and were leaving in 20 minutes time. My dad then went into logistics mode on the best route to the Eurotunnel. It was something he could contribute to the conversation. After several minutes of reassuring we knew where we were going we managed to close the call and get out the house.

The next phase was to tell my project team and the client about my situation. A mandatory call was organised for the team where I broke the news. As a project lead you are considered the stable point to keep things on track. When that same lead then tells news of their vulnerability then this puts the team at an unsteady place. It was therefore very important to remind them that they are a high performing team and very capable. I'd been dropping these types messages during standups for a few weeks prior, knowing that I would need to share the news someday. The team took the news very well, have given me messages of support, asking how I am feeling but more importantly have continued to deliver. 

When I told the client we set up a meeting with him, my boss and me. At first he was trying to guess what was going on, assuming that either me or the boss was leaving the company. Strangely he didn't guess the actual reason. 

Now came the mammoth task of telling friends and the wider circle of contacts about my diagnosis. For someone who is naturally chatty this information literally took the wind out of me. I found it so hard to physically say the words. For friends that I had know a long time this was especially difficult. Even as I type this I have tears in my eyes, remembering how I couldn't say those words. Every time I told someone I felt I was hurting them with the information. Cancer is such an emotive word. It was like I was letting down those I loved. I'm sorry that I have this fucking disease and that I am going to take you all, and me, through this horrible time. And so I relied on texting to share my awful news.

Another big test was attending the April London Admins and Developer meetings. Feeling braver and getting over the initial shock of telling people, as regulars piled into the venue I gave them a welcome hug and whispered in their ear my news. Telling my news took people's breath away. Their facial remarks instantly changed. It's news no one wants to hear. Everyone is sorry. Everyone has their own cancer story to tell. I now give deadly hugs it seems. 

I've appreciated every response I've received from all the messages on social posts and direct messages and calls. I've felt so touched by all the flowers, gifts and donations that people have taken their time to organise and send to me. I have been very overwhelmed by people's generosity and kindness. I am awfully behind on responding to all the messages but will make it my aim to do so as each one has really helped me to know that I am not alone in this difficult time. Please be patient with me and please know that we are in for the long haul on this one. 

And finally to this series of blogs. I am writing them firstly for me as I need to get this shit out of my head. I already know that I have more chapters that I want to write so more will be on the way over the coming weeks/months. I need to write so that the voices in my head keep to a calm level of chatter. Funnily enough, straight after my first chemo session the voices dulled; I couldn't write, but as I gained my strength back they returned and I am able to type again. 

I also write this blog so that I can keep you, dear reader, informed on my progress. I know that you have so many questions that you want to ask me so I am sharing what I can with you. 

Can we enter into a pact? I'll keep writing and sharing and you'll keep letting me know that you're out there and am with me along this path. Please keep sending the messages and share with me your day or any random item that you found funny and I'm always up for a picture of your pet. I'll do my best to respond in a timely manner. Thank you dear reader, sending much love and appreciation your way.