24. Cancer Diaries - Project Closure

A project is a defined allotment of time in which to deliver change. At some point a project will come to a close, whether it be at the end of a phase of work, or when the money runs out. Whatever the reason, there are tasks to complete to help wrap up the project and to move onto other things; project closure. 

It's the same for me and my breast cancer journey. I gave myself a milestone of completing all the big, impactful treatments - the chemo, 2 surgeries and radiotherapy and then drawing a line under them when they were all finished as a way to say my journey was done. 

Often in projects, when a phase is completed the team celebrates. It is used as a mental note to acknowledge the end. It's also very useful to highlight this to clients too, but thats for another blog. 

I decided I wanted to do the same and so we devised a project closure road trip. We decided to return to the place we fled to last year on the day of my official cancer diagnosis, to a hotel right on the beach in Le Touquet, France. 

Our trip last time was full of emotion and fear of what was about to happen, but spending that time in the hotel helped us both, (Piers and me) to steel ourselves ready for the journey ahead. We had time to connect and to know that we would be facing this shitstorm together. 

Before our trip this time I had in my mind that I would return to the hotel, get into our room and just sob, with all the memories and emotions flooding back. Upon arrival, I surprised myself by not wanting or needing to cry. The reason was, the place held such overwhelming positive emotions for me that, returning brought back happy memories.

And how could it not? We both love the view of the beach from the room and we could spend hours walking on the sand, no matter the weather. 

After a couple of nights in Le Touquet we continued on our mini tour to a favourite Chateau in the Champagne region to spend a night, with a lovely dinner before travelling back home again. For me, Le Touquet represented the project closure, while the Chateau brought in the new phase, moving on with life, and to future adventures. 

The trip gave me a chance to reflect on the past year and what has happened to me. They say that cancer changes the individual or that the individual chooses to make changes to their life after a cancer diagnosis. For me, I'm not looking to change too much. On the whole, before cancer, I loved my life, and I still do. I consider myself very lucky. I've made some decisions over the years that I am happy with. I have a good lifestyle, close family and friends and work in an industry that I really enjoy. But, there are a few tweaks that I'd like to change for myself. 

At the end of last year I did give myself a mantra for the year ahead, that of Health, Wealth and Happiness. 

Health - All my cancer treatments have knocked my fitness out of kilter so I want to get my fitness and strength back again. I'll also look closer at my sugar and alcohol intake. I'm not getting any younger after all!

Wealth - Of course I'd like more money, that's a given. I also like to think of wealth as in knowledge, so I'll look to add some more certifications to my armoury but also, I'd like to extend my reach and become a Board member and help an organisation with their digital change programme - maybe help them make better decisions at the forefront. 

Happiness - I'm generally a happy soul, even throughout my Chemo treatment my happiness levels were tracking reasonably well. Staying positive is a large ingredient of a successful cancer result. What I'd like to focus my efforts in is the concept of 'Work Happy'. Finding a better balance in my work, what I do each day, how it affects me, who I surround myself with and how others appreciate my efforts. 

I look back at my cancer journey and I am hugely grateful that I was able to receive my treatment via private health. It made everything feel so much easier in terms of arranging appointments and having the treatment absolutely tailored to my needs, but mostly to 'my life spreadsheet' so that I could still keep safe the important stuff in my life which kept me feeling positive and gave me an overall reason for putting myself through this awful process.

The care I received throughout all my treatments was second to none. The medical teams were super professional, knowledgable, and were always happy to give their time and to answer any questions I might have had. This professionalism extended to everyone I crossed paths with, including pharmacy, reception and catering team members. Everyone was amazing and still are. I'm so grateful to them all.

When you don't have to worry about your level of care, knowing people are available to you, then this takes a lot of pain away from a difficult process. My care is not stopping, I will still have follow up appointments and scans for years to come.

If only the same could be said about work and if there were some lessons learnt points then here they are. Overall, I think that my experience of my cancer diagnosis and care could have been better handled at work. It was, lets say, clumsy. 

I found that trying to live with my cancer diagnosis and attend all my different treatments to be more stressful than I had wanted while negotiating with my business. I felt there was a gap in my work's understanding on how to support someone, how to communicate with them, and how to get the best out of someone who is on a cancer journey. 

How could this be better approached? Well, let's start with sickness policies. Seeing as 1 in 2 of us will get cancer of some form in our lifetime then I think that sickness policies should have, at the very least, an addendum that shows the business is open to reviewing each person's situation when they are sick and how best to help them get through the treatments, while still being considered a valuable member of the team, and not risk financial ruin. Some sick policies are too black and white, stating the individual can take X amount of days leave and then move onto statutory sick leave thereafter. No one in this day and age can live on money from statutory sick leave. 

Next, let's empower HR representatives to allow for a more fluid approach to the policies to help the person in need, and work together to put a plan in place that allows the person to still feel a valuable member of the team and able to contribute when and where they can, while allowing them the opportunity to take time for proper rest when needed.

Sometimes, it takes an external person, like an Occupational Therapist, to bridge the gap between work representatives and the patient to really assess and suggest the best way forward for all parties.

All I ask is for business to liaise closely with the individual. Understand that their needs may change over time, but to remember to make that person feel supported for the whole duration of their treatment. 

Here's last suggestion; give managers the training and support to have difficult conversations about sickness, and about cancer particularly, and for them to learn that one conversation won't be enough and that the employee will need regular touch points along their journey. Cancer can be a lonely experience when others don't know how to approach this conversational subject. 

That was a bit of a retrospective of the past year where I looked back at the good, the bad and what to change in the future. 

Another aspect of gratitude from this journey is all the support I have received from everyone, willing me to beat this disease. I've said it before in previous blogs, but will happily say it again, thank you so much for being there with me the whole time. I know this has been a difficult path but we've got through it together and we've even had some fun along the way too. 

I mean, how many people do you know would watch the film, Shaun of the Dead, during a Chemo treatment session and sit there sniggering away, or share that they have a blue boob and are part of the Bluetit club, or have a Burpee-off with their Cancer Nurse, while in a surgical gown, just before their second operation, or confess to wanting to finger dance to Spice Girls, Wannabe, while trying to keep still during Radiotherapy? Oh yes, it was important to keep the humour strong while all the seriousness went on.  

This is my last blog for the Cancer Diaries and it feels a fitting way to end. I've delivered the craziest project of my life, for my life. For me this is project closure. I've completed all the big stuff, I've kicked cancer into touch and I'm now starting to settle into my new BAU routine of anti-cancer drug therapy. I have, of course, an updated version of 'my life spreadsheet' to track alongside my new Chemo drug regime.

I am still physically a bit battered from my experience. I now have 3 new scars on my body, my arm mobility after the surgeries is much improved, but my shoulder area and armpit is still a bit numb and might stay that way. I have a blue dyed boob, (yup, it's still there, although the dye is starting to fade to a blue-grey colour). My skin is nearly recovered from radiotherapy. My 2 little toe nails are growing back and my hair is sporting a cropped look. My body will recover from all this over time and will settle into a  new version of me. 

Mentally, I've been through one hell of a roller coaster but now I am feeling sharp again. It's so good to have my brain back. I feel ready for action and ready to take on the world again. Someone left a comment on an early blog post saying that I will come out of my cancer experience feeling stronger than ever. I replied back then, saying that, I was already a strong character. Should the world be worried now?

What's next for me? Getting back into the swing of things, for a start. Continuing to enjoy life and making the most of it. You only live once. 

I've been thinking about publishing this blog series elsewhere, maybe it will help others. Let's see what I can do about that. If anyone has any suggestions then please let me know.

But for now, I raise my glass of champagne and say cheers. A small pat on the back for getting through this shitstorm and to put my best foot forward and move on with my life.